The end is the beginning is the end is the beginning

So to further self discovery and in light of the last update; I'm going to start a new blog, Untitled Progression. It'll be a place for me to post album and concert review, thoughts, concepts, and other important things that pertain to my interests. Sometimes a job becomes just a job for a while. Maybe down the road, I'll find the spark and joy of wardrobe. Right now, I need to find fulfillment elsewhere. Be it jazz, art, books, coffee brewing, or even other aspects of theatre. I'll post a link to the other blog as it gets going.

This is What Growing up Looks Like

I Turn 30 in August. 30. I've lived in the DMV for 5 years come November. That's the longest I've lived anywhere since I was 18. I've also been working at Signature Theatre for 5 years come November. That the longest I've ever held a job. Ever.

When I left Elon for the last time May of 2008, my goal, or direction, was to be a wardrobe technician in theatre. It was a calling, a purpose, a reason for all the pain and heartbreak I'd been through to get to that point. Then life happens.

You spend a few years traveling before settling down in a dense theatre region. You fall in love with a woman and marry her. You get older, you realize some things are more important that others. You commit yourself to a loving and giving faith. You develop ridiculous ideas that you could go back to school or start a new career. Are they ridiculous?

It doesn't feel ridiculous. I feel like I've run out of steam at work. That I'm indifferent to what's happening around me. I'm agrivated by have to actually do my job. Things that gave me adrenaline and excitement, now are just a bother or something that interrupts my reading or writing. My attitude at work sucks, and I know it. I try to put on a positive face and fake it til I make it, but I've never been a good poker player. I've always been more on the bitter side. Always a little lazy. Always looking for the easiest solution with the least amount of effort. Let's borrow from a favorite book/movie...

Top 5 Jobs Phill Would Like in no particular order

- Wardrobe Technician (already doing it)
- Owner of a Record/Book/Comic Book Store (pointless with the rise of digital media. See also: broke)
- Jazz Musician (haven't practiced in year, decades behind anyone my age)
- Arts Writer/Critic (if you're reading this blog, you know I need more training/education)
- Barista at a Fancy Privately Owned Coffee Shop (totally a new thing that isn't in any a real thing, probably)

Maybe this summer will be a good break from what has been a constant show running schedule. Maybe I've just hut a slump and things will pick up. Maybe I am turning into a cliche wardrobe person who gets burnt out. Or maybe, maybe I'm not the man I was seven years ago who really needed this. Maybe I'm a different man than I was 3 years ago, who had fun running shows and fed off the adrenaline of a quick change.

It took a lot of time for me to admit this, and it'll be a lot more time before I do anything about it. Stay tuned.